Revelation 8-9

Chapter 8

V 1-5 Opening the seventh seal produces a half-hour of silence, followed by 7 angels appearing before god, each holding a trumpet.


censerThen another angel appears before the altar, burning incense and mixing it with prayers as an offering. The angel fills the censer with fire from the altar and hurls it down upon (or down toward? This scene is taking place in heaven, isn’t it?) the earth, producing a thunderstorm and an earthquake simultaneously.

V 6-12 The first four angels blow their trumpets. This ain’t gonna be good.

First trumpet – hail and fire rain down, setting the earth on fire, and burning trees and grass.
Second trumpet – a mountain of fire turns the sea to blood, killing sea creatures and destroying ships.
Third trumpet – A burning star named Wormwood falls from the sky, landing on rivers and turning the water bitter. People die from drinking the bitter water. (There is no real star in the sky called Wormwood. Wormwood is a perennial shrub, Artemisia herba-alba, which grows in dry Mediterranean regions. It’s used in herbal medicines, and is mentioned seven times in the Jewish Bible, always with the implication of bitterness.)
Fourth trumpet – I’m trying not to laugh here, but this next scenario is so impossible that it’s almost a word salad. One-third of the sun, moon, and stars each become dark. Also one-third of the day and night – those are not even definable. When the day becomes dark, that’s called night. And if the night becomes dark – well, wasn’t it already dark?

V 13 John hears an eagle (in the KJV, an angel) crying out a warning that things will get worse when the last 3 trumpets sound. Is that even possible?

Chapter 9

revelation locustsV 1-12 The fifth trumpet brings the First Woe (or First Terror). A star that had fallen from the sky was given the key to a bottomless pit (or Abyss, or Underworld). (The star is alive?) The star opens the pit, and smoke pours out, followed by hordes of locusts, with stingers like scorpions.

Now god instructs the locusts to sting everyone who is not marked with a seal (which means practically everybody); but not to kill them, just torture them for 5 months. Of course, the victims will want to die, but god won’t let them; he enjoys watching them being tortured. These locusts are some kind of creepy mutant creatures from a grade B horror movie – with women’s hair, lions’ teeth, a suit of armor, and gold crowns. And their king is the angel from the pit, with a name that means Destroyer.

angels-euphratesV 13-21 The sixth trumpet heralds the Second Woe. A voice speaks from the ‘4 horns’ of the golden altar, instructing the angel with the trumpet to release 4 more angels who are bound (tied up, I think this means) at the Euphrates River. These angels direct an army of 200,000 mounted troops, intending to kill one third of the earth’s population.

Funny that – I always thought of angels as good. Angela is used as a girls’ name. Images of angels always show cute cherubs. Angelic is defined as ‘exceptionally beautiful, innocent, or kind’ and synonyms are ‘pure, virtuous, saintly, wholesome, and good’. Ha! – not these. Apologists claim that these 4 angels are the ones mentioned in Jude 1:6; but that’s just an assumption.

Riders dressed in red, blue, and yellow armor ride creepy horses, with heads of lions, tails like snakes, and fire, smoke, or sulphur billowing from their mouths, killing people.


But still, even after all this terror, there are some folks who refuse to repent of their evil deeds – worshiping idols, murder, witchcraft, fornication, and theft (I suppose all these deeds are considered equally evil?).

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